A boy who I met randomly shuts me down over a SMS after we spent 4 nights together. My mind tells me that I have to erase him from my memory, but my heart just drives me crazy, and eventually the winner always be my heart.
Was it sex that I wanted from him? Yes, the sex was wonderful to me, and I know it can always get better and better. But I know it isn't sex, that the only thing, that trapped me.
I think I was actually even considering to buy a router... so when he comes over we can share the internet connection. And all those sort of small things keep popping up into my mind. Silly? Yes, I know, but isn't this what I have been imagined for years if I found someone to live together with? Shopping for a bar of chocolate can be a sweet thing of being with him.
Doesn't the feeling of miss him just make me keep thinking all those good qualities of him? Are those all true? I intend to believe so. No doubt, he's a sweet boy, at least he can be quite sweet with the one he wants to be with. Shit, I have to make him bad, make him cruel in my mind. As it's not about him, it's about me trying to get rid of him from my mind.
He wants us to be just friends, and I think I would be happy with whatever I can get from him, giving the circumstances that I am still quite crazy about him. However, I don't really believe that is going to work as long as I have feelings of being more than just friends for him. Doesn't between close friends require more real attraction than between lovers? Friends spend time together because they want to, because they truly like each other... friends don't have sex... usually, so the big sex factor will not help.
Almost two weeks since he sent me that SMS, we are still keeping in touch. He tries to tell me that he likes me so much as a friend, and he doesn't want me to feel hurt. Yes, he's sweet, but I am blind, I only wish he could wants me more than a friend. I have tried everything to let myself given up on him. You know things like erase his messages, erase his phone number, erase his messenger ID, block him on my messenger. I only wish I was born with an erase button so now it's time to push that button.
I know eventually this will be fade out from my mind, I won't feel crazy about him anymore. It will be just another sad story. Things happen, this is life.
So what I think about him at the moment? I think I can remember the first night that we were spending the time together... We shared so much thought with each other, I thought, gee, I liked this soul, and the music was wonderful.
