12 January 2011 21:47
NO ASIANS PLEASE!
"I like Asian food but not the cook!"
JEWS, BLACK PEOPLE AND GAYS ALL HAVE A PLACE IN TODAY'S MATURE WESTERN DEMOCRACY, OR SO IT SEEMS. BUT THERE'S ONE EXCEPTION TO THAT EQUATION: ASIANS. CHINESE, THAI AND JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE BEING BLATANTLY AND PUBLICLY EXECRATED, WITH GAYS BEING ALL TOO COMPLICIT IN THAT RESPECT: "I LIKE ASIAN FOOD BUT NOT THE COOK!"
Text: Leon Varitimos
Wouldn't you like to think that gays are quite broad-minded people, who would be opposed to overt discrimination? But go to dating sites such as GayRomeo and Gaydar, and you're bombarded with cautions stating 'no queens', 'no fatties', 'no blacks', and 'no Asians'. When you look more intently, you suddenly see that they're everywhere. The Asian gays are the ones who are the most beleaguered among the profile wordings. "Not into Asian guys, sissies or fem guys," one user wrote on his GayRomeo profile. "Don't waste your time messaging me if you are Asian or fat," another warns. And what is probably the most 'creative' call to take a hike: "I like Asian food but not the cook!"
These men explicitly denounce Asian men within their profile descriptions without any sense of shame whatsoever. One of them replied to our reaction as follows: "Well, I just don't find Asians attractive. I'm no racist or anything like that," he answered with a mixed sense of shame and irritation. The next day I noticed that the sentence had been removed. The majority of men whose profile states that they don't go for Asians, usually accompany their pledge of disinterest with an apology: "I can't stress enough: I have NO interest in Asians. It's not racism, it's just not my taste," one young user writes. "I have no interest in fems or Asians. Sorry. I like real men who know what they want," reads the profile of another.
cold shoulder
"Sorry," "sorry," "sorry," it says in the profiles of men that don't fancy Asians. Why do they feel the need to apologise or emphasise that they are not racist? Are we dealing with a disguised form of (sexual) racism? And why do so many men explicitly say they don't find Asians attractive? While some runners may fall at the first hurdle, the Asians are disqualified from even taking part in the race. That must hurt.
Kaito (46) is Japanese, and has lived in Hong Kong and the United States. He has been residing in Amsterdam for the past few years, where he claims to have encountered the most prejudice against Asian men. Kaito: "In the beginning, it used to make me angry, and part of me still feels that way. But I don't take it personally. I grew up in Japan, where I had Asian role models to look up to. But the Asians who were born here don't have that, which does worry me sometimes. They grow up being the minority; both in terms of their sexual preference and their ethnicity." Long (24), is Chinese, and claims he hasn't really come across a lot of prejudice. Long is aware of the anti-Asian messages placed on dating sites, but it doesn't bother him. "Those profiles reveal more about the person writing them. I find it shows a real lack of respect to include stuff like that. After all, what makes them think Asian men would fancy them anyway?" Ruben (34), who is half Indonesian, doesn't feel targeted either. "I don't look particularly Asian. When I was on holiday in Egypt, people started speaking Arabic to me, and in Brazil, they start chatting away in Portuguese." The fact that some men are very rigorous in giving Asians the cold shoulder, was something Ruben found out when chatting on a dating site. "I once - simply out of interest and curiosity -replied to a boy who'd placed something like that in his profile. At one point I wrote: "I see that your profile reads 'no Asians', but I'm ethnic too." He then asked me: 'You're Latino or something though not interested in Asians may just as well be talking about someone from India or from Thailand. It's never specified just what or whom they mean to exclude. So what exactly is an Asian? Ruben: "If I see 'no Asians' somewhere, I think: they don't want anyone with slanty eyes, no Chinese or Thai types, whilst Indonesia and India also happen to be part of Asia. They're an entirely different kind of people, who have a totally different appearance too." It's a phenomenon that Herman Bijkerk, Operations Manager for GayRomeo, recognises all too well. In addition to Asian men, effeminate men, black men, and pot-bellied gents are also often shunned. Bijkerk: "We maintain a clear-cut anti-racism policy, and discrimination is not tolerated. We want to provide a platform for users who respect one another. Complaints about hurtful profile wordings are handled by our 20-man support team. Every complaint is taken seriously, and we usually approach the user in question directly, and ask him to amend his profile.
"But even though you have a set of rules in place as a company, it's not all black and white; some grey areas will always remain. Where does describing your sexual preference end, and racism begin?" Is 'no Asians please' just a simple expression of your sexual partiality, or are we talking here about marginalising an ethnic minority? They're stuck on this one over at GayRomeo too. As long as 'no Asians' is not accompanied by truly insulting or racist statements, the user in question is left alone. Despite the large number of profiles that sometimes reject Asian men in a clearly derogatory manner, Asian men rarely lodge a complaint with the GayRomeo helpdesk, Bijkerk reveals. "Perhaps Asians are used to it, or don't perceive it as being discriminating." Other minorities, such as black men and transgenders, do from time to time report profile wordings that they feel to be insulting or discriminating.
There appears to be a discrepancy per ethnic minority as to what is viewed as hurtful or racist. Jokes about the Chinese seem to be more socially accepted, for instance, than jokes whose subject is dark-skinned people, or religious minorities such as Muslims or Jews. American comedian Sarah Silverman put the discrepancy into words rather well in one of her shows: "I once had this really good joke about blacks in my shows, but one time I wanted to tell it and saw a few black men in the front row, so I told a joke about some Chinese instead."
effeminate asians
In many of the profiles, 'no Asians' is mentioned in the same vein as 'no fems' or 'no effeminate types'. "I do not like queens or Asian blokes, I need a man," one profile read. "One thing I can't stand: he-shes and Asians," wrote another user. And: "Not particularly attracted to Asian or feminine types. Sorry. Just being honest." The link that is being made between effeminacy and Asians is both remarkable and ubiquitous. The stereotype of the Asian man as being feminine and subservient is certainly not a new notion. American researchers claim that it stems from the 1950s, when increasing numbers of Chinese men flocked to the States to work as lower-waged labourers. Their slight posture and long braids were viewed by many Americans as a sign of femininity. But go to Asian countries such as Thailand and Japan, and it's very evident that this bias has no foundation whatsoever. American-born Brad (38), who has been in a relationship with Kaito for a number of years, has lived in various countries throughout Asia. "There is some idea out there that Asians are all some sort of fashion queen: girly, short, frail, and ultra-thin. But when you visit Asian countries, you see the entire spectrum – from feminine men to burly beefcakes, who are well-built and very masculine. You don't get top see that diversity reflected in the West, because their group is much smaller."
koinophilia
Our sexual preference is determined quite early in our lives. According to specialists, we are primarily attracted to what we know. The theory behind koinophilia is that we feel a sense of attraction towards people who look more or less like ourselves, and are disinclined towards outward characteristics that differ greatly from the norm. Wikipedia writes: "Koinophilia is a term used by biologist Johan Koeslag, meaning that when sexual creatures seek a mate, they prefer that mate not to have any unusual, peculiar or deviant features." Asian men do not easily fit the bill that Westerners have of the ideal man: tall, athletic, and muscular, with a rugged face, square jaw, and booming voice. A study revealed that Asian gays get the rough end of the stick even more than Asian heteros in terms of having to grapple with that ideal image. Another large-scale American study presented heterosexual women and male gays with a number of men's faces. The gays proved much more likely to prefer men with overly masculine facial features. And that's without touching on that most delicate of subjects: the bulge in the briefs. Or rather, the lack of it.
teeny wieners
The most persistent piece of bigotry towards Asian men is that they have a small, often minuscule penis. And what makes a man a real man if not a big, fleshy throbber to parade around? Based on the variation in body height between the average (North) European male and the average Asian man, it would seem likely that the penis that belonged to a Chinese or Japanese man, would also be more diminutive. But the few scientific studies that have been looking into the correlation between the size of feet or other body parts and the penis reject this view. Specific studies into the penis size of men from various nations
don't seem to show any remarkable differences either. Scientists agree that the average erect penis is between 13 and 15 centimetres. Various studies show little or negligible differences between races. Chinese and South Korean men seemingly have to make do with a slightly smaller penis (but we're only talking about one or two centimetres, to be fair), but Japanese men appear to have similarsized peckers to the Spanish. Italians and French men appear to have a little extra, and black men even more still, but especially in a non-erect state. All in all, the premise that the average Asian man has a teeny wiener is just garbage, albeit with a persistent smell. Jan Beck, who manages Amsterdam's Cockring club, may rightfully call himself an authority on the subject. Beck has always had Asian boyfriends, and every so often puts together a dance event called
Asian Disco Night, which is frequented by many Asian gays. "People assume that Asians have got little dicks. We organise various sex parties at Cockring whereby the men walk around butt naked, and that's when we suddenly see all that bias disappear. Straight off, the Asian boys are in demand. Anyway, it's not as if all Europeans have got 18 or 19 centimetres swaying between their legs either." Penis size is an almost mythical notion within the gay scene, which has little to do with reality anymore, as the profiles on a dating site such as GayRomeo prove. Many of the users of the site include their penis dimensions in their profiles. At least 70% of those men claim to have a large, very large, or extremely large penis. A mere 0.7% of the males perceive their penis as being on the small side. That can mean two things: either gays are naturally better hung than heterosexual men, or the terms 'large' and 'extremely large' should be taken with a pinch or two of salt.
invisible men
The search for Asian role models in films and music, or on TV leads to a dead end. Because, whereas the black man has become increasingly visible both in music and Hollywood within the last decade (Jamie Foxx, Will Smith, Terrence Howard), the Asian remains virtually invisible, apart from the stereotypical ninja warrior or computer nerd. They are rarely portrayed as sexually desirable. There is a distinct lack of Asians as a sex object within the gay scene too. Sexologist Ceryl Janssen, who has a practice both in Berlin and Amsterdam, affirms this. "A good friend of mine likes Asian men. When I went to try and buy him a calendar of Asian men for his birthday as a joke, I had to accept the fact that even in a metropolis like Berlin, this was a hopeless task; even in the biggest gay stores of the city they had nothing." Asians seem to be getting a rough deal; that's the long and the short of it. Especially with some men begging to be left alone by Asians; that tends to create a trend. Is it such a big deal to have to click and remove messages from Chinese guys, or send them a reply saying you're not interested? GayRomeo even has a ready-made message with which to kiss off people you're not interested in: "Hello! Thanks for your message. Unfortunately, I don't think we're on the same wavelength, and our profiles don't have a lot in common. Good luck
with your search!"
The names of Brad en Kaito were fabricated for privacy reasons.
